Why I have an ulcer

Not really. But kind of. Mostly I have a knot in my stomach that feels like Rosemary’s baby. I goofed. No, I fucked up. These things always happen to me. I work hard with a goal in mind and for some reason, it doesn’t get done. Sometimes, by working hard and continuing to work, these problems work themselves out. But not this time. So I fail. And it sucks. And it’s been eating at me for weeks. At the beginning of a new year, at the cusp of some great things, I find myself depressed and angry and disappointed in myself. And I want to be pissed at this person, but I know it’s my own damn fault. And I want to say this person has an enormous ego, which may be true, I don’t know, but that’s still deflecting the blame. I have no one to blame but myself. I’m just not good at life and work sometimes, and I hate myself for it. I think I hate this school and this town and this state and a whole lot of other stuff. Life was so much easier with an income and a home I enjoyed. And this shit just keeps piling up and I have no money to pay bills and that’s why my insurance got cancelled and that’s why I keep overdrafting and racking up charges for that, which means I have to use my credit card, which I just paid off, but is somehow now a crutch…a crutch that I need to pay off, and I miss my girlfriend, but she didn’t even give me the time of day when I poured out my heart to her. Damn, my life sucks right now.